About Me

So, I'm 17 and I work at Electronics Boutique, I currently have no girlfriend, and here are some of my favorite foods:

• Macaroni & cheese (Kraft's three cheese mix is my favorite, none of that Stouffers shit)
• Cheeseburgers
• Sirloin steak
  
• Bean & rice burrito
• Toaster Strudel
• Beef jerky (quite possibly the greatest snack man has ever known)
• Pork chops
• Chicken fried steak
• Mashed potatoes
• Baked potato (fluffy on the inside)
• Popeyes Chicken is the shiznit!

On top of all of that greatness, I also like the following bands:

• Tool
• A Perfect Circle
• Puscifer
• KoRn
• Godsmack
• Metallica
• Stevie Ray Vaughan
• Jimi Hendrix
• Aesop Rock
• DJ Baby Anne
• Mudvayne
• DevilDriver
• Black Sabbath
• Methods of Mayhem
• Nightwish
• ACDC
• DJ Icey
• DaRude
• Benny Benassi
• White Zombie
• Rob Zombie
• Nine Inch Nails
• Weird Al Yankovic
• Futuristic Sex Robotz
• Disturbed
• System of a Down
• Paul Oakenfold
• Static-X
• Alien Ant Farm (while they were still cool)
• Sevendust
• Powerman 5000
• Linkin Park Nails on a Chalkboard
• Jackal & Hyde
• Jen Lasher
• Mindless Self Indulgence

If you aren't already on your hands and knees, this should do the trick. These are my favorite movies:

• The Godfather
• The Godfather: Part II
• The Godfather: Part III
• Halloween
• House of 1000 Corpses (a lot of people didn't like it because it was too off-the-walls, but Zombie did a good job in my book)
  
• The Devil's Rejects
• Black Hawk Down
• Tears of the Sun
• The Professional (aka Léon)
• Die Hard
• Die Hard 2
• Die Hard: With a Vengeance
• Live Free or Die Hard
• Lethal Weapon
• Lethal Weapon 2
• Lethal Weapon 3
• Lethal Weapon 4
• Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
• Star Wars
• Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back
• Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi
• Star Wars: Episode I - The Phaggtom Menace
  
• Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones
• Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith
• Escape from New York
• Escape from L.A.
• Pulp Fiction
• Hard Boiled
  
• Sin City
• Kill Bill: Vol. 1
• Kill Bill: Vol. 2
• From Dusk Til Dawn (at least until the shitty vampires showed up and ruined the movie)
• Jackie Brown
• Half Baked
  
• The Fast and the Furious
• The Girl Next Door (sadly, not a porno, but it should be)
• Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny
• The Jackal
• Heat
• Animal House
  
• Scarface
• The Kingdom
• Carlito's Way
• Mission: Impossible
• Mission: Impossible II
• Mission: Impossible III
• The Replacement Killers
• The Sentinel
• Scary Movie
• Scary Movie 2
• Hero

If you haven't spontaneously become pregnant yet, read on for my favorite TV shows:

• 24
• The Unit
• House M.D.
• Heroes
• Scrubs
• Chapelle's Show
• The Daily Show
• The Colbert Report
• South Park
• The Jamie Kennedy Experiment
• X-Play
• Attack of the Show
• Aqua Teen Hunger Force
• Sealab 2020
• Sealab 2021
• Kenny vs. Spenny

At this point, if you haven't converted to Spunkeism, get away from me, and no, you can't still lick my balls. Now that all of that is out of the way, let's get down to it.

If you're still reading this, good. If not, you suck. Unless you're a hot chick anyway. If you are, call me. Seriously. My number is 911. If someone other than the manliest sounding man ever answers the phone, it's probably my mom. Just tell her that you have a fire in your pants and you can't find an extinquisher anywhere close by. She'll ask for your address. Give it to her. I'll be there in about 5 minutes. When I arrive, you'll already be so moist that the fire will have extinquished itself. But that's if you're a hot chick. If you're a dude, I'll probably take your anal virginity anyway. Not because I'm gay, but just because I can.

I'm a hobbyist programmer. My chosen language is C++. No, I don't code by request, so don't even bother. Some time soon I'll be going to college where I hope to major in computer science, and then go on to live my dream in the game industry as either a programmer or a designer. Oh yeah, that reminds me, I have to stop and laugh at game design courses. For any sucker out there taking a "game design course", congratulations, you are a dumbass. All that course is, is you throwing money into someone else's pocket only to have your precious degree spit back in your face when you apply for a job later, because you have no other skills. You don't have to have a degree (in fact, it's better to get a degree in something else) to become a game designer. Everything in the game industry works through the buddy system. Hell, you could operate a phone for two years, and as long as you do it with a smile and show that you want that game design position more than the next guy when it opens up (and you aren't a retard), you're sure to get it.

I should mention that I greatly enjoy putting internet dumbasses who've never seen daylight in their place. These are the people who spend all of their time sitting in front of the computer writing blogs dating girls and doing productive things that contribute to society, like talking down to people who don't deserve it, especially girls. They think they're hot shit up until the moment that they realize that their entire life has been a big lie; they were adopted. Their "parents" don't love them, and they hate everyone and everything because of it. They live their lives hiding behind crappy Photoshop skills, in an attempt to gain recognition from prepubescent little shits who shouldn't even be on the internet to begin with. It's the same idea as buying alchohol for minors at a party, only it doesn't make you cool, it makes you a jackass.

I find a lot of people don't like me because of my personality. A lot of the time, they don't realize how full of shit I am, and fail to see the humor. Other times, they're just stupid, and don't really have a reason for not liking me that they can put into words (because stupid people, after all, can't organize their thoughts into neat paragraphs such as this, but rather broken sentences that almost always end in a request for ice cream or cake). To these people I say: grow up. It's the internet. Besides, I'm sure these people have to see the irony in calling me tasteless.

Something else that annoys me is how 90% of the time on the internet, when someone says "lol" or some variation thereof, they aren't actually laughing. Let's look at what the abbreviation stands for:

• Laughing
• Out
• Loud

Can you guess why someone would want to abbreviate that? Me neither. The point is that it's misused so often, that it's lost all of it's charm. It's now common to say "lol" just to fit in with other people, even if you don't find whatever everyone is laughing at (or not laughing at, see what I mean?) to be funny at all. If you don't find it funny, shut the fuck up. I have a few older friends who like to bring this up a lot because it annoys the piss out of them almost as much as it annoys the piss out of me. Often in Ventrilo, they'll parody this little act of moronic behavior by actually saying "lol" or "roffle" in a dull tone, so as to emphasize that they don't find whatever it is to be funny, and to make fun of the people who do this with text.

There are many more things I could talk about, but I really don't care to. Besides, you're probably not even reading anymore at this point. If that's the case, then fuck you. If not, then you're probably a hot chick who wants to bone. See above.